I don’t know about you but boy am I tired of hearing about Tiger Woods and his infidelity. I know I know, then why am I
writing about it right? Well the guy is getting more coverage on CNN than Iraq, Afghanistan, and health care reform all together. So how can I not add my crass two cents.
First off Tiger, what kind of pussy-ass voicemail was that? You don’t ask your mistress to delete your phone number. You tell that bitch. She’s the mistress, you don’t owe her an explanation, she knows her role. She knew you were married, she knew you weren’t leaving your wife. She was there for you to deposit your “kids”. The mistress has low self-esteem. Why else would she be fucking an involved man. She’s used to being put in her place, she’s used to men walking on her. So the only conversation should have been:
“Hey, don’t call me, shit is hot”.
That would have at least left you open for all sorts of excuses. Now you’re fucked. When I first heard the voicemail on a radio program on my way to work, I thought it was a spoof. I was thinking this can’t be real. You can’t actually be sounding that pussy. Sure you look like a pussy but your name is Tiger! Unleash that Tiger dude. On second thought, unleashing the Tiger is what got you in this mess.
One thing I cannot stand is a forced apology. I’d rather someone not apologize than apologize because they feel obligated. When politicians and stars have slip-ups, be it sexual, or a comment they made in public, don’t apologize for it. Roll with it. A fake apology is like a double fuck you in my book. Remember when Fuzzy Zoeller speaking to reporters at a golf tournament referred to Tiger Woods as "that little boy" and urged him not to order fried chicken or collard greens for the Champions Dinner. Then went on to apologize stating his comments “were not intended to be racially derogatory”. This is a great example of someone who should have just ran with it. Why apologize? African-Americans didn’t buy your apology, nor did we believe that your comment wasn’t racially motivated. Zoeller’s apology only lost him cool points with the Klan. So Tiger, don’t apologize, you only look more guilty. Not to mention Tiger shouldn’t be apologizing to the public, in fact it’s none of our damn business. I’m tired of hearing about it. Tiger cheated, he got his ass whopped by his wife and wrecked his SUV. It should have ended with that. We don’t need blow-by-blow, “breaking news”, “exclusive coverage”, “this just in”, “live coverage”, and “exclusive interviews with neighbors”. Does the news paper really need to publish the full transcript of Tiger’s apology? Do we really need to have a panel dissect each and every word to determine if Tiger’s apology is authentic? WE DO NOT GIVE A FUCK!
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t condone cheating, but I didn’t give a shit about Tiger or golf before, so why would I care about his personal life now. Is it necessary to interrupt my regularly scheduled programming to hear a staged apology? I mean really. Puffy eyes, mom in the front row? He hugged his mother like he was a 7 year old who just got caught beating his dick in school. I mean really, this press conference was almost as bad as Chris Brown on Larry King live. My man had on a blue sweater and bow tie as he sat
next to his sobbing mother while he apologized to the world for beating the snot out of Rhianna. This is what I mean by staged apology. Maybe they really did mean their apology, but do it a normal average citizen sort of way. Apologize, don’t wear a blue sweater and bow tie apologizing with your mother next to you. That’s such a pussy-ass move and it really only serves to makes you look pathetic and fake. Chris Brown would have got more respect if he said, that bitch had it coming, but I shouldn’t have resorted to physical abuse. Tiger would have got more respect if he said, she wasn’t giving up the ass knowing I’m a millionaire, knowing I can buy the best piece of ass money can buy. So fuck her. She had it coming. But I regret being caught and having my ass whopped with a golf club as well as being humiliated on national television.
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