Monday, July 6, 2009

You make minimum wage what do you care?

Today I went to Dunkin Donuts to grab me an iced latte.  I’ve been a long-time recovering Starbucks frappucino addict.  I’ve been getting some coupons from my wife for Dunkin Donuts so I thought I’d give them a try this morning. 

I ordered a 16oz mocha iced latte.  The coupon states 16oz mocha iced latte for $1.99.  The kid asks me what I want, and I tell him I want a 16oz mocha iced latte.  Silly of me to think someone working at Dunkin Donuts would know what a 16oz cup looked like.  It’s not like they have actual cups taped on the wall or the size printed on the cup right?  So he gives me my drink.

Another underpaid employee looked at my coupon and says to me “your coupon says 16oz, this isn’t 16oz, this is 24oz”.  Referring to the fact that her co-worker gave me a 24oz instead of a 16oz.

So I said:  “O.K.  But I asked for a 16oz”. 

She takes my 24oz and dumps it down the sink!  Then she proceeds to make me another (keep in mind there are at least 6 people behind me).  She gives the kid who made my drink an evil look and says in the most condescending tone:

“That’s not a 16oz that’s a 24oz, a 16oz is SMALL and a 24oz is medium”.

Right, I’m sure he had the same Harvard education she had right?  The whole time I’m thinking, wow this bitch is worried about 16 cents worth of extra latte mix when she just threw a $2.00+ drink down the sink and threw the cup in the trash as well?  Wow.  No wonder she’s working at Dunkin Donuts, clearly she doesn’t posses the aptitude to comprehend economics or even simple math for that matter. 

I never got upset one time.  I just allowed her to hold up her entire line to dump out my drink and make me another (smaller) drink. 

It was so ridiculous that when I was walking to my car, the guy directly behind me said: “I can’t believe she would rather waste the drink than just give it to you”.  I agreed and the gentleman and I made a few derogatory statements about the twit, laughed and went our separate ways.

But it got me thinking.  One big pet peeve I have is fast food workers and their penny pinching attitude.  I’ve often been asked would I like any sauce with my meal.  Being the picky but simple eater I am.  I tend to say “just plenty of ketchup”.  Only to be presented with two packets of ketchup.  So I say I’m going to need more and they present me with another two packets.  This goes on until I’m satisfied with the number of ketchup packets I have to finish my fucking meal to my liking.  Is that so wrong?

My point is, you make minimum wage at McDonalds, Dunkin Donuts, etc.  OK maaaaybe you make 30 cents over minimum wage (congrats on that promotion).  But why do you give a shit about giving a customer extra ketchup?  I’m not trying to have a surplus of McDonalds ketchup to supply my home or anything.  I just want to enjoy my food the way I want!  Why do you give a shit about just saying “oops our mistake, just go ahead and keep that large iced latte”.  Is McDonalds going to give you a super-sized-Ronald-McDonald-MVP-awesome-fucking-employee-of-the-year-McBonus-check?  Huh you fuckin’ cunt?  You’d rather hold up your drive-thru while we negotiate 6 packets of ketchup like we’re at some sort of flea market in Dubai?  It’s bad enough I wasted 5 hours taking an online class in the drive-thru just to understand what fucking language you were speaking whilst trying to communicate with you through a blown speaker in the drive-thru that acted as more of a CB radio then a fucking legitimate order-taking machine.  And yet somehow you still managed to fuck my order up, then accuse me of being the one who ordered the wrong thing while pointing to your 4 packet maximum ketchup policy. 

When I have people refuse me what I want, I tell them to go-ahead and refund me my money.  I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay 25 cents extra for some additional ketchup because you implemented some fly-by-night policy that I’m sure McCorporate wouldn’t approve of.  So hey, you don’t want to give me ketchup, give me a refund and cancel my order.

You know how fucked up that ends up being.  Now it’s 3 people none of which can speak English trying to explain the issue to each other, the drive-thru line is growing, they ask you to pull forward, you refuse, now they have to grab the manager because he’s the only one with a key to open the register, he’s pissed because the 3 minute average drive-thru time is now fucked.  And eventually they just give into your more ketchup demands.  All that for a few extra packets of ketchup. 

But why must it be like this?  Why can’t you just make the customer happy and make logical decisions.  While we went back-and-forth on ketchup, 2 people drove around and abandoned the McDonald’s drive-thru for the Wendy’s across the street because you increased their wait time by trying to save 2 packets of ketchup at a cost of 10 cents.  And that’s assuming one packet costs McDonalds 5 cents (which I doubt). 

Dunkin Donuts threw a medium drink down the sink and a good cup in the trash because my coupon was for a 16oz small not a 24oz medium iced latte which they erroneously gave me.  It never occurred to her that she wasted more money and product than she saved the company.  I guess she taught me a lesson huh?  How dare I come in there with my little cut-out coupon thinking I was going to get an extra 8oz on the house.  Not with trusty Detective Dunkin Dipshit on duty work the morning shift.  I’m sure Dunkin will be proud, she can hang that employee of the month plaque in the studio apartment she shares with 42 other immigrants.  One day she might even make enough to bring her family to America and share her plaque with them as well.

At the end of the day I can only assume this is why these jackasses are working at McDonalds instead of owning a franchise.  This is why they make minimum wage.  They’re probably just happy to get that check and sneak home a 10 piece from time to time. 


  1. Wow. Great post. You need to write shit like this for money, man.

  2. And I have to say that I agree with everything you say here. And I think you're a closet Libertarian. Hey! Don't throw that keyboard at me! I meant that in a nice way!